Silence
by SiSuHu
Summary: in which Castiel learns things about Dean. * DESTIEL * "But this might be some sort of stupidity, some sort of humanity, he might go through here. After all Cas is kind of falling, and not in that 'falling down because of gravity' kind of way..."
1. Chapter 1

"Fuck you" Dean murmurs into his white pillow, as that nasty plastic alarm clock makes its typical shrill and utmost annoying sound to wake him up, even though it's way too early to get up.

Well, it's 9 am, but given that Dean went to bed at 5 am, it's too freaking soon. As the alarm wouldn't stop and just leave him be, for god's sake, Dean turns around on the bed, grabs the damn thing and throws it straight against one of the poorly painted walls of his motel room.

Takes another exhausted growl, as he finally sits up in his bed, seemingly not too thrilled about this day. He rubs his eyes tiredly, yawns a little and just as he gets up, the clock thing rings another time, even more annoying, because apparently it's broken now.

"Goddamnit! What the hell is wrong with you damn thing!" Dean bitches around, moving towards the broken clock with a look on his face that would probably scare it, if it wasn't a clock. So it's no surprise that it doesn't bother to stop ringing by fear, obviously.

"Shut up!" Dean yells at it, turning it around in his hands, because he doesn't really know how to make it stop, doesn't even remember why he set it, before he went to sleep last night, on the first place.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Dean goes on shouting at it, as if it just rings to annoy him. As it still wouldn't "shut up", Dean dashes it against a wall again and, yay, it's finally quiet in the room, like Dean needs it to be.

"Hey, you mind being a little bit more QUIET over there? There are people still sleeping here!" comes from the room next to Dean's, answered by a mumbled "whatever".

Castiel sits at the table, watching Dean with something in his face that seems to be amusement. As much of a peaceful sleeping beauty Dean is, as grumpy and annoyed by everything around him he is, when he has to get up.

Castiel didn't sleep this night, actually he doesn't need to anyway. He just sat there the whole night and watched Dean sleep, mostly, as he had done it so often before already.

He watches Dean get into his jeans. Changing his shirt. Well, it's not that much of a change, as he moves out of the black one he wore in bed and gets into another black one, which is – seemingly – the exact same one.

He watches him pouring a little bit of bad cheap-motel-instant-coffee into a random cup with lots of pink little hearts on it with his typical creasy it's-too-early-Dean-face.

Cas stands up and walks towards him, stopping beside him. He actually thinks about drinking a bit of water, but instantly denies his thought, because he doesn't need water. He's an angel.

The coffee smells weird and doesn't seem to taste that good either. Dean makes a funny face, puts away the pink-hearted cup and moves to one of the wooden chairs to get his jacket. One short look at the second bed – perfectly done, not used ever since they got in here for the first time – then moves his eyes towards Castiel, who stands still in front of the door, looking back at him like a silent observer, not any word on his lips, not any hint of emotion on his face.

"I need bacon" Dean says, gets into his jacket, passes Castiel, who follows him, of course.


	2. Chapter 2

_Monday_

Maybe he should stop. Maybe he should just go away, go somewhere else, be anywhere but here. But he is. And he can't tell why he is. He can't even tell anything these days. And he's a freaking Angel of the Lord. Stable, concentrated, strong and not a bit distracted.

He always does whatever heaven tells him to. Or well, he did, at least. But even though he had rebelled long ago, he had never been like this. So, he can't tell. He hides from him. He's invisible. And he watches. Watches him doing things like drinking beer, eating stuff, doing research. Oh and of course watching porn, after all it's Dean we're talking about here.

If Dean knew about this, he'd be full-on "What the hell, Cas?".

But Cas wouldn't be able to explain this. Like said before, he doesn't even know himself.

So he just made himself invisible to avoid showing Dean that he's thinking about stuff. Things he shouldn't think about, maybe.

He didn't show up ever since they had been in that den of iniquity, what he had called it. They had been in the car after that and Dean had told him, that he feels good, even without his brother. Or how he'd said: "especially without my brother".

And then Castiel had been gone. Or rather Dean had thought that he had been gone. On a little flight with his little cuddly feather things that always make Bobby's place a mess, when he appears there. But Cas hadn't. Dean just couldn't see him.

And here's another thing Cas doesn't know by himself: why the hell did he do _that_? Why the hell did he disappear on the first place?

Cas thinks, maybe it's because he was shocked to hear that. Maybe he just, like, startled, or something. And with that POOF accidentally got invisible, like a tough guy that shows the best of his girly scream, when he gets frightened.

Cas just sat there then and stayed like this and just watched Dean doing whatever he does while driving that car. Couldn't get his eyes off of him like a creepy stalker or something.

Cas thinks, maybe it's because Dean telling him that he might be better without his brother is something too illogical and extraordinarily weird to be true, after all it's Dean, the guy that had always looked after his little brother, the guy who's practically the definition of family, some sort of synonym.

And Cas thinks, that's the point, that's what made him startle and go all invisible, all Patrick Swayze (well, without the being-dead thing of course). But deep down in there, inside this frightened little Angel of the Lord and Soldier of Heaven, Defender of the Good and since very recently also more or less proud Member of Team Free Will, deep down in there he knows something. (At least something, finally)

He knows that Dean telling him that he might be better _now_, made him hope that _he_, the Angel of the Lord, Soldier of Heaven blah blah whatever, that he might step on the place at Dean's side, where Sam had been. Become Dean's new partner or something. After all they share a very profound bond, Cas thinks. (Seemingly a pretty good reason for him)

And it might be possible that Cas had always thought like that, had always wanted to become Dean's partner. Together. Saving people. Hunting things. Oh yeah, and of course stop that freaking apocalypse.

But what made him _stay_ invisible – he is one day now – is that Cas is extremely frightened by the thought that his very dream he very dreamed of might come true now.

Not that he doesn't like Sam or something. Not that he doesn't know or think he knows or think it's right that Dean and Sam splitting up, not being together, might be not that good for _not_ ending up fighting the fight of fights as the vessels for Michael and Lucifer that would destroy the whole planet.

But this might be some sort of stupidity, some sort of humanity, he might go through here. After all Cas is kind of falling, and not in that 'falling down because of gravity' kind of way, but in that very serious and sad kind of way angels do. Side effect here is becoming human. (For whatever reason Cas doesn't fall from heaven as in literally falling from the sky however – like Anna did for example – but he isn't quite sure about which version is "better")

Indeed Castiel is still an angel right now, but he feels his grace, that stuff that makes an angel that warrior thing that should fight for and in God's will and whatever, slowly but very sure running out of him to who knows where. Cas doesn't care so much about where it actually goes and will go, although Dean had always been of the opinion that Castiel is kind of "in love" with it or something.

To come back to the point here, Cas is getting human and with that he feels things. Things like being fascinated. Fascinated by things like Dean. Well, that sounds kind of weird, but actually Cas had always been looking at Dean like he's some kind of animal in a zoo behind bullet-proof glass, people are looking at and taking photos of (although it's not allowed and not very nice either).

Whatever the case may be, Cas is now even more fascinated of Dean (yeah, surprising that this is even possible).

And if Dean saw him staring at him like this, like crazy, he'd say "Stop it, Cas, that makes people feel uncomfortable". And by 'people' he'd mean especially himself of course.

But Dean can't see him, because he's still in said invisible condition. So Cas can stare at him whenever, wherever and as long as he wants. What turns out to be all the freaking time, every freaking where and well, without stopping. And that without even having to explain what the heck he's actually doing here.

So at the moment he is sitting in front of Dean at one of those crappy wooden tables in one of those crappy rooms in one of those crappy motels, doesn't even know where, but doesn't really care anyway. He's watching Dean staring into this laptop thing, he needs to do research with, even though Castiel doesn't quite get why he doesn't use books.

Anyway, he hadn't seen that laptop thing before, but he guesses that Dean bought it, because apparently laptops are necessary, especially when your little Stanford-boy brother with his laptop isn't around and you're not that kind of guy spending hours over hours at libraries, although there might be some hot students or something Dean might like to look at (but mostly there aren't anyway).

Cas doesn't know what exactly Dean is searching for, but like always lately, he doesn't really care. Well, Dean stares into the laptop thing and looks very concentrated, very focused on the topic, whatever that might be, every now and then taking a sip of this liquor thing. Whiskey, Cas thinks.

Once in a while Dean blinks more than necessary, apparently his eyes hurt a little bit by staring into that thing that intensely.

Castiel seems to never get tired or bored or whatever of looking at Dean. Nobody would put that against him, see, Dean looks pretty hot, all concentrated like that. His face slightly gleaming by sweat, sparkling a bit in the down-going sun shining through that more than dirty window, drawing weird patterns onto Dean's face. His hair seemingly undone and yet so gorgeous. His black t-shirt pretty good showing those muscles underneath and that typical plaid thing he's wearing.

But most of all his eyes.

Cas thinks, he likes his eyes. He doesn't really know if what he feels is _actually_ liking, but he guesses. They're kind of green and weird. Weirdly beautiful, Cas thinks.

And Cas thinks he's kind of able to read his eyes, he kind of finds reflections of what Dean is doing inside them, like they're showing the "mode", the "condition" he's in. So now he would be in the research-laptop-thingy-mode. But if Cas was still able to read Dean's mind, he'd know that this is rather the fuck-this-shit-mode.

But fact is, even though Castiel thinks he knows Dean really really good – after all he raised him from perdition and knew his future (well, at least his "destiny") and they fought together side by side and they solved problems side by side and lots of other stuff, Cas thinks is important – actually he doesn't really get Dean. Understand Dean. At least not the whole package.

And by constantly staring at him for hours already he finally gets that, finally discovers that there's a Winchester, he doesn't know as good as he thought he would (apart from Sam Winchester). He decides to stay here a little longer, even if this wasn't really a hard decision. Not just because he likes to be near Dean anyway or because he doesn't even know where else to go, but also because he would like to kind of study Dean, learn him. Observe him. Without any disruption. Quietly.


End file.
